Strong Back, Soft Heart

Good morning, Happy Soul Sips on Sunday. Nothing about what I’m about to say or where I’m sitting makes any sense right now. I’ve got my Christmas mug because I am that girl, I love Christmas decorations and all the Christmas stuff. But I’m sitting outside in a t-shirt, it feels like summer, and but yet, again, there’s still so much wobbliness going on in this world of ours. Right when you think, or I feel, like I think I’m getting a grip on it, something else happens, and I’m just thrown again. And so, I just started thinking, in these little chats, that I’m doing with you are probably more soulful and fulfilling for myself, is, I just thought I’d talk about that crazy wobbliness, and how do I keep trying to ground myself.

And this year, I have this mantra, that I’ve adopted and that I really, really like, and maybe you might like it too. It’s actually really old, and you sit in this position like this. When you sit to meditate or just be in the space. And what this is, I’ve heard it in a lot of different ways, and this way resonates best with me. And this hand here is to give love. To give, and that’s where I want to be. I want to be able to give support, compassion, to everyone, in my world, or who I touch base with.

At the same time, I want to be able to stand in my truth and speak my truth and have the courage to say what I feel I need to say. It doesn’t have to affect you or anybody else. I then work on respecting your wishes, and where you are, and where your desires are and where your boundaries are. And the same goes for mine. Brené Brown first said it to me, where it makes probably the most resonance with me. It is strong back, soft heart. Strong back, soft heart.

And so, I keep trying to work in that space at this moment in my life. And it’s having compassion, you’re doing the best you can, everybody is doing the best they can. And then over here is, Andrea, what really resonates with you? What grounds you? What feels most soulful? And most true to myself? Where I’m not betraying myself? And I think when I have betrayed myself in the past, it feels very wobbly, it feels not that ‘good’ uncomfortable, when you’re kind of stretching, building some muscle, building some courage muscle. More that uncomfortable, that you know deep down, it’s not the best decision for me, but maybe I’m doing it to please other people. Maybe I’m doing it because people expect it of me. Maybe I’m doing it because I have understood that is what I’m supposed to do.

And now, I’m at this place like this. I love you. I respect you. I appreciate you. You do you, I’m going to do me. And if everybody did that, just think about that, if everybody did that, if we all just did that, doesn’t that kind of make a lot of sense? There’s no judgement. I’m doing me and you’re doing you. There’s respect. There’s love, you’re not betraying yourself. You’re standing in your truth and you’re taking the time to listen.

So, then I started thinking, when life gets really wobbly, and I’ve started doing this, which has made my world a little wobbly around me and those individuals close to me don’t necessarily like that change. I have to keep figuring out how to ground myself, and I’ve talked about this before, this is where Soul Sips came from. Is that, I love to sit in the morning with my coffee, I put my little fireplace on, and in the summer, I was outside, and just listening, and just quieting down.

And the other couple things that I’ve talked to you about before, in which I’m sure you’re doing too, is I put my ears in, I turn my phone off, I go for a walk. I try more and more to get out. I’m hiking more, taking on different little adventures that way. I’ve actually, you know it was the funniest thing this morning, even this morning, I started talking to my dog, you know it was just such a gorgeous day, and I just said, “Oh Bea, I just love you!”

And you know that feeling, regardless of who, what or how you’re giving it to, that gratitude and love, it spreads, it calms you. So, maybe finding that, and what is that? Maybe it’s something you never thought you’d do or be. Who cares? You get to change. You get to do you.

The other part, besides the music, going for walking, I really do get myself quite grounded with music, is yoga, and again, I’ve always had a thought on yoga, a few years ago, I just did not understand yoga at all. It’s about stretching, it’s about breathing. It’s about centering yourself. There’s no one structured thing to go to with yoga. You can just do whatever feels good for you. You can do it beside your bed, you can do it on your bed. You can do it on your deck, you can do it, oh I don’t know, on your bathroom floor. Wherever you need to. But probably the biggest thing is to find some quiet space, so you can breathe, so you can allow yourself to hold the stretches. And just kind of escape. And that’s what meditation is as well.

And then so, of course there’s meditation, and meditation isn’t this big ruled thing either, it’s just quieting yourself, trying to quiet your mind, allowing your heart and your soul to talk, and shutting that baby off for a little bit, those expectations. And those things that we thought we were always supposed to do, that you’re supposed to do. I don’t know about that.

And the last thing that I really wanted to share with you today is over the years there have been different authors, that I must say Instagram makes so fantastic because I can get even more of a piece of who they are, or so I feel I can. And there are certain authors that I call game-changing humans in my life. And as I started thinking about talking to you today, I thought, you know what, what is it about all these women that have written words that I’ve gone, “OMG me too! OMG! I felt that way! OMG, I lived that, you lived that! How is that possible? And it’s that much more of a locking in for me that we all really are living a similar life. We’re all connected by this thread, this golden thread of love and self love, and trying to live our best life. And that happens right?

So, I just wanted to share these people with you, and also, on our website, www.soulsistanation.com I have a slew of books that I’ve also done a video on for a variety of reasons, that, and I explain them a little bit. So if you’d like them, then go check that out.

(Here’s the link – https://home.soulsistanation.com/index.php/books-1/)

But here are some of my tops. Now, my most biggest one, biggest game changer, and this is going to be, it’s Broken Open, I even have a coffee stain on it. And it’s like well-read. I love this book. This is Elizabeth Lesser, she’s great, she was one of the co-founders of the Omega Institute, where they do piles of workshops and retreats in New York or New Hampshire. Regardless. Brave. And this woman, as with the other women that I’m going to talk to you about today, was courageous. She stepped out. She talked about her pain. She talked about her shameful experiences. She talked about going through a divorce. But what I loved about this, and stepping out and rising. She talks about the Phoenix and going into the fire and rising. And I really like this book, particularly because they were short stories, and I could just read 3 to 5 pages and they were relative to what was going on in my life, and I just really, really enjoyed that. And so, Elizabeth Lesser, she also has a more recent book out called, “Cassandra” and it is phenomenal, but this would be a starter for that one.

The next one would have been Brené Brown, I’ve talked a lot about her and this book in particular, “Daring Greatly” was the biggest one for me. And this was the beginning about talking about vulnerability and to the depths that we need to park shame, and how we park shame is by being vulnerable and courageous to speak our truths. And some of that is about letting go and being really honest – owning your shit. And she’s, I can’t speak enough about Brené Brown. And what I also love about Brené Brown is that she’s so grounded and she’s so down to earth. She talks about, you know, well actually all these women do, they talk about, “yeah, I screwed up! Yeah, I did this, or I did that” and these are moments we can all relate to, and again, there’s that commonality that we’re all in this together. Nobody is up here, nobody is down there, we’re all just doing our thing right? We’re all just doing our thing. And when we do that, wow, what a concept.

This one, again, I don’t really like covers. “Untamed” Glennon Doyle. I’ve talked about this book. This book came out right when the pandemic began, and it is phenomenal. Short stories again. She gets raw, and vulnerable, and she’s courageous and she talks about it, and she talks, and it makes sense. It’s us, we’re just humans doing our best taking the, I think she says, taking the right step, that’s her biggie. Great analogies and just phenomenal. And again, that short bit. I remember when I had different moments in my life when I couldn’t quite focus too much on too much detail, so these shorter chapters when they’re stories that I can kind of resonate with. It’s just feeling, like you feel like you’re alone right? You feel like you’re going through this and I’m drudging through my mud and my ditches and feeling really shitty, it’s realizing that other people have gone through it too and it doesn’t make you feel so crazy. It helps you stand a little bit, and that’s what all of this is about, is sharing our stories and really being honest. Enough of the ‘how are you, I’m fine, you good? I’m fine too’. Everybody is just so frickin’ fine.

And the last one, well the other one that I didn’t bring outside is Sue Monk Kidd. She has written multiple books and she just pushes the envelope. Pushes the envelope, really great. And “The Secret Life of Bees” was a book that I read and a movie that I actually loved, and I wrote out all the quotes, and I didn’t even realize what it was about, but it was the beginning of my awakening over ten years ago. And that was just phenomenal, and since then she’s written many books, really great and courageous, gutsy, gutsy women.

And Maureen Murdock. She wrote about the heroine’s journey and that recently has just been a game changing book for me. If you’re ever curious about your path or wondering why you don’t fit in or what really makes you just keep grinding. I used to talk about it, I was always on this treadmill of life and go, go, go, go, go. And no time to stop, no time to think, no time to feel, and just living off of other people’s expectations and the expectations you put on yourself. That’s Maureen Murdock. Amazing.

And then lastly, light and fluffy. I love this woman’s writing. I grab them always quickly and I’m so excited when she has a new book, she just whips them off, and it just takes me away. And sometimes, I just do that. So like, everything else is happening around you, and you read one of these and you just keep reading and it’s like, yeah kids, get dinner, yeah I’m just going to stay in bed and read. If you have that time that you need to just check right out. Do it. Do it for yourself because sometimes you do, sometimes it’s all just part of replenishing and taking care of yourself.

We need to stop being so hard on ourselves. Just go with it. Just do the best you can. So, kind of going back to the beginning, with this coming, as a Mom, I’m always a little bit “Ahh!” Excited, but then it’s like this pressure, and I always have these things, these expectations that I put on myself as to what I’ve always done for my kids and what Christmas needs to look like with traditions and all that jazz that I’ve talked about before.

You know 2020, if it’s anything, it’s about breaking a lot of habits, routines, traditions, expectations, so much, right? Maybe it’s time that we really start taking care of ourselves. This way. Stand in your truth. Focus on yourself because when we do that, it just has this ripple effect to all of those other humans around us.

Take care. Happy Soul Sips on Sunday!