Stand Up. Show Up. Do Your Thing

Cheers!

Happy Soul Sips on Sunday!

I hope you’re having a great morning. I seem to be, as I mentioned last week, I’m obsessed with “The Chicks”, “The Dixie Chicks” latest album, and I just like everybody has a way and a possibility to share their story because I think it’s something that’s contagious. It takes away the shame from what we might be feeling. The loneliness of just struggling in life right now, whether it is in, my case, being a parent, and as a woman, living in a very curious time.

And that’s all I can speak to but being a woman and being fifty is really interesting right now. I don’t think my Mom was able to be in this space and I don’t think my Grandmother was, and I’m positive my Great-Grandmother wasn’t able to either. So I feel very very fortunate that I can be in this place, this moment, with so much excitement for life, and a really, really cool thing because I literally feel like I’m at a halfway point. My goal is to get to 101. Whatever happens, happens, but I’m still putting it out there.

I feel like I’ve had some bumps and bruises along the way, some of them I wish didn’t happen, but they did. And I feel weathered but I feel like I have a wisdom to me in the sense that I’m not really interested in bullshit anymore. And when I see it, I might name it, and then I move along. I don’t know, I don’t have time for it. I don’t, I don’t have time for whining and complaining. I’m okay with you having to jam something out, but not on repeat. It’s like we need to own our shit.

And the tough part about that is, when we own our shit, it’s work. So the easier thing is to not own your shit. The easier thing is to talk about people. The easier thing is to complain about people. The easier thing is to point fingers. But when somebody gets under your skin, there’s a reason. They’re getting under your skin because they’re triggering something in you. And it’s your responsibility to resolve that, not theirs. Not theirs, we’ve learnt this the wrong way, like God, we’re masters at stabbing people in the back, aren’t we? We’re masters at talking about people behind their back.

And yeah, I think at fifty, and being a woman, and a Mom, it’s a moment that I get to choose to do some really hard work, sometimes it’s a lot of alone work but you feel alive. You feel alive.

So, I was mentioning earlier that The Chicks have been so amazing to listen to because it was their way of talking about their story, and in this particular instance it was about the process, so Natalie Maines was going through her divorce, and an ugly one. I don’t know what kind of divorce isn’t…I certainly would love to see more not be ugly, and I’m always in awe over couples who do it gracefully, so if that’s you, kudo’s to you, and well done. Keep it going.

But I wanted to mention this song to you, it’s called, “For Her”, and if you listen to it quickly, you kind of, it sounds like a man and a woman talking about maybe a daughter, um, maybe doing it for a third party sort of thing. But if you listen to it a bit closer, it’s about within her, doing it for her. Doing it for you, and choosing to stand, for her. And again, I think it so resonates with me at this moment, and hopefully it resonates with you if you take a listen. Again, you don’t have to love country, you don’t even have to love The Dixie Chicks but just take a moment to listen to this song, maybe a couple times to get it.

But here are some of the quotes that I just love.

“It takes a lot of hard work to get a whole lot stronger ‘cause it’s real tough girl. I wish I could go back and tell you, you’re a fighter. You just don’t know it yet. Stand up, show love for her. Stand up. Show up for her.”

And I just! So I had this experience. A couple of weeks ago, I was just around casually with some people, and a woman sitting across from me, I was sitting beside my girlfriend and we both had our hair like this, I call it a messy bun, and she said, “You know, if my husband saw you with your hair like that, he would call you lazy. Because anytime he sees girls with their hair like that, he calls them lazy.”

And I just went, “Pardon?”

And it was hard not to just go like this, because can’t I just do my hair whatever way I want? Can’t I do this video with no make-up and a messy bun? Whatever way I want? Can’t you take this or leave it without criticizing it. I just started thinking though, it was very, very interesting because I’m in such a place, that I um, let me put it this way, I love women. I love women. I love celebrating them if I see them doing something that I think is fantastic, I tell them. I tell strangers, I stop strangers on the street if I see, if I think their hair looks great, they’ve got a great smile.

I experienced something like a bank teller, she has great energy, I will tell her. I love to tell women. It gets tricky with guys, I haven’t figured out how to tell guys that they’re doing fantastic or I think they’re amazing because there’s always that little bit of a weird thing so, for now, I just stick with celebrating women. So I absolutely love women, and so in the flip, I find it really difficult when women don’t stand up for women. Women don’t celebrate women. Women criticize women. Women are jealous of women. Women are mean to women.

I think when you hit this point of fifty, wearing a messy bun, had four kids, kind of ran, for thirty years, with my head cut off, and to just try and figure out life. And for me to actually get here, and I’m still in one piece. I’ve got a smile on my face. Some days, some days, life really, really sucks but I don’t like hanging there. And I think it’s a really interesting thing because as women, if we don’t choose to stand up. You don’t have to stand up and be bitchy. You don’t have to stand up and be mean. But I think you have to stand up for what your heart says. What does your gut say? If something gives you that weird feeling, it’s okay, it doesn’t make you a bitch. Because you said no. Or because you said, no, that doesn’t work for me.

There will be push back, and a lot of times the biggest amount of push back is from other women! And I just, I don’t know. If we could just find a way people, and I keep saying this, “Why can’t you do you, and I’ll do me?” And you don’t have to love everything I do, as I don’t need to love everything you do ‘cause it’s your journey. This is mine. And why can’t we just say that? Why can’t we just say love to your journey? Do your thing. It’s cool, it’s great, it’s wonderful, go fill your boats. We don’t have to take each other down.

Because I’m telling ya, if we choose to stand up for us, show up for us, for her – we will change this world. We already are changing this world, but think of what our daughters will see? Think about what our boys will see? Think about what our partners will see? The men in our lives that are struggling too. But maybe they’re just not there yet but they need to see, they need to hear from us, not in a bitchy way. Just clear, kind, loving. That it’s not okay for you to criticize my messy bun and you don’t get to call me lazy because I’m not lazy.

And even if I do choose to be lazy, it’s my choice. That’s all on me. You don’t get to call me lazy. But here’s the thing, if you want to call me lazy, you have to be prepared that I will stand up, and I will show up for me, because I’m not going to betray myself. So please don’t betray yourself.

And women, stand up. Show up for you. Because you are worth it. If we celebrate each other, we will be unstoppable. In kindness, in love, in wisdom. In fire. In growth. It’s endless.

Stand up. Show up. Messy bun if you want. Do your thing.