Keep Serving Those Peanuts!

Good morning. Happy Soul Sips on Sunday. Cheers and full moon! What a day! What a weekend. How interesting is this weekend though? Halloween on a Saturday. We have a full moon. What else could be crazy? Oh yeah, a big huge question mark as to whether we’re giving candy out or children are going trick or treating. Of all of the years. I personally think it isn’t a fluke. I personally think it’s a big honking…something, somewhere, somehow is talking to us.

Speaking of talking to us, this particular mug, Sophie made it for me a long time ago. And she made it in my favorite colour blue. But if you look closely, those are waves because she knows how much I love the ocean. Speaking of, not just the ocean, but children, how many of these items do you have as a parent. And some are fantastic, and some are…ah…do I get rid of that? Sorry guys, but ah, but it’s one of those amazing things about being a Mom and a parent, and then the other part, is this whole thing of being a parent. And much heart strings get pulled, and challenge us, and actually for many years, because I was a parent, and because I felt so…felt I had to be in control and I had to control them. And I also, through that, rigidness, it froze me. I didn’t move.

So, with that, my story stayed really stagnant. I got stuck in my story, and what I thought it was. And I think, well I know, my divorce, a huge part of my divorce, my lesson, was about parenting, and what my kids were here to teach me. And it’s been humbling. I don’t need to tell you; I’m just hoping that by me speaking it, you see and feel, and allow yourself to maybe even go oh, yeah, like all our stories are connected, and I think we all are living the same.

So, with that mug in mind, and my kids, for the past eight years, I have hung onto a story that I had to keep my house. And that is the house that their Dad and I built, and it’s the house they’ve all lived in, pretty much all of their lives. And recently, I made a huge decision, and decided to sell our house. And as you can imagine, there’s been a bit of pushback.

But I’ve hung on to the story for a very long time, that this house was the stability, it was the bones, the roots of who we were, and what we needed to be a family. And to keep my children rooted and in the space of comfort and knowing. And I look at this house and I wish, actually I’m just so grateful. It’s been wonderful for us, and we’ve had so many amazing memories.

But what I wanted to share with you today is, when we choose to make decisions because of our children or other people around us, if it’s not coming from the root of us, to our knowing and to where we are, it’s going to be a really bumpy decision. And for the past eight years, I have chosen to keep this house, maintaining it, doing everything, you know, living, being, paying for it and doing everything, and it has served me really well. It’s been a wonderful root for us.

But my biggest drive in keeping this house, was my children. And it was my belief and my story that this was what they needed. And was it wrong, no, I’m not saying it was wrong, but what I am saying, is that for whatever reason, it has come, and I’ve decided that no, it is time to move on. But I’ve got to tell you, one of the biggest motivations to move on, is me. And I think I said earlier that there’s been a bit of pushback, and it’s understandable. I remember moving when I was younger and not wanting to move because I identified myself with my home.

But why I know that this is right move for me right now, and I know it is the right move for my children, is because there is something inside of me that is just calm. It’s calm. And I can sit and be very grateful for everything that this home has brought us and taught me. And now I’m ready to let it go and give it to another family to create many memories.

So, as I speak to my children, you may kind of laugh, I’m hoping that I’m not the only one, but I tend to speak to them via videos because they’re kind of spread out, and sometimes it’s just easier for them to take my words when they’re ready. But I sent them a video a couple of days ago, and I explained where I was coming from and what was happening with us selling the house. And how I explained it to them was that a home was not the windows and the walls, a home is our heart, and wherever we chose to move it and create it, we get to do that with creating new memories, and our love for each other and us as a family.

I have no advice for you, well I never have advice, but the story I want to share with you is, as I was super wobbly, there was 24 hours this week, in this week, that I was really wobbly. And I started thinking there’s a story, there’s somebody else’s story that really clicked with me, and I couldn’t remember, and I couldn’t remember. And then I remembered, it’s Glennon Doyle.

And I read this story about five years ago in Oprah magazine, and it’s so funny, I highlighted, and I posted it at work and everything. And then it’s again in her new book, “Untamed”. And if you’re wobbly about your parenting and making decisions, I really encourage you to read this one. I think it’s called “The Attendant”. But basically, in a nutshell, she messages her friend, and she says, “Liz, I’m going through this divorce, and it’s clobbering me, and I feel like I’m completely screwing up my kids, and I’m totally pulling the rug out from them, and I don’t know if they’re going to survive this. I don’t know if they’re going to survive this and I don’t know what this looks like.” And Liz says back, she says, “Look it Glennon, you know I’m not a Mom but from here, this is how I look at you, and Moms, parents and going through turbulent moments in their lives. The kids look to you.” And she says, “Here’s my analogy. I think of you as a flight attendant, or an attendant, and a plane hits turbulence, and what did the passengers do, they look to the flight attendant. And they look to see that he or she is calm. He or she has taken a moment and put our masks on to breathe some fresh air and calm. And then that attendant smiles and serves peanuts.”

Take that as you will. But I find that story resonates so much with me. It’s not about putting a fake smile on, but it’s about taking your time and breathing and knowing that this is where you need to be right now. The story that I had told myself for the past eight years, that I had to hang onto this house for my children. They needed this stability. That story has changed, and that it’s okay.

Yeah, the kids don’t necessarily like change, but you’re allowed to change. So, as we go through change, as we hit turbulence, I believe we need to take some time, breath, ground ourselves, listen to them, because if I, if anyone is going to teach me a lesson, it’s my four children. Listen. We have compassion for them, but we are strong, and we have our boundaries, and we’re like, “I hear you, but we can do hard things.”

As life throws us many bounces my fellow friends, my fellow Soul Sista’s, my fellow Soul Bro’s, believe in yourself, trust your voice, take your time, breath, walk. And know, that if your intention is from here, those beautiful children will be okay because they’re going to watch you, and they’re going to learn from you, as you will learn from them. But sometimes they need a leader to stand and say, “I know this is uncomfortable, I know it feels wonky, and a little turbulent, but we can do hard things.” We can do hard things.

Mom, Dad, keep serving those friggin’ peanuts.

Happy Sunday.